Despair Post Dated 1\14\17: Life in the Simulated Reality Matrix
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4\28\2019:
To read over this material leaves me feeling a bit embarrassed and a little humiliated. Yet, I let it stand because I suffered through this shit without being able to turn towards a single soul in a position to understand and help me. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I've come a long way since, and I'm prepared now to go very far in sharing my experiences with others - and living the life I want to live while doing it! I’ve made a number of these despair posts on FB when my days battling the archon and MCS are at their worst. But I’ve received little to no visitors to my FB page – no surprise. I repost them here, not to emphasize my despair in the moment, but to share the knowledge these posts occasionally reveal about how the archon and MCS operate, their tactics, their agenda, and, at times, the senseless stupidity inherent in the ways in which they behave.
1\14\17 post:
Another day poverty stricken, and in spiritual warfare with the archon an matrix control system. Due their bidding, and they’ll reward me, or at least set me free. But we all know how Faustian bargains work. And for those of us awakened, even when battling in isolation, what needs to be kept in mind is that every choice we make affects the collective consciousness, for good or ill. To quote Trent Reznor, “I do not want this.” But I have no fucking choice. I’ve always been against suicide. In fact, just weeks prior to my first contact, Camus in mind, I wrote an essay against it. I see now that the archon, in prepping me for my abduction, were the impetus behind this, as they were the source behind all of the books I read, the influence over all of the writing I did, in the months leading up to my first contact with these entities. But if I had a gun, super soldier/psy spy that I am, on days like this, I feel I would pull the trigger. That said, and people like Max Spiers have stated as much, this is part of the programming that is instilled in individuals like me at a young age. On the other hand, and perhaps it was Eve Lorgen that pointed it out in one of her essays, I am one of the unfortunate individuals, in a certain sense, depending on how you view it, that defy their programming, and go against the grain of what is expected. Yet, this only makes my burden worse, for it is individuals like me that become the test cases for these mother fuckers in their experiments and studies of human beings. My standing out in this way, my enduring their tests and tortures serves only one purpose for them: how do we find a way to break someone like him so that it will become easier for us to break others like him who resist in the future? Lucky me. Though I have no choice, I don’t know how much more I can take, how much more I can fight, in isolation, with my experience and knowledge not making out into the world, where it will be of use to those yet to tread the same paths I’ve walked, and the astral planes I’ve visited, and the abduction experiences I’ve undergone, and the love-bite pain and abuse I’ve endured.
4\28\2019:
To read over this material leaves me feeling a bit embarrassed and a little humiliated. Yet, I let it stand because I suffered through this shit without being able to turn towards a single soul in a position to understand and help me. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I've come a long way since, and I'm prepared now to go very far in sharing my experiences with others - and living the life I want to live while doing it! I’ve made a number of these despair posts on FB when my days battling the archon and MCS are at their worst. But I’ve received little to no visitors to my FB page – no surprise. I repost them here, not to emphasize my despair in the moment, but to share the knowledge these posts occasionally reveal about how the archon and MCS operate, their tactics, their agenda, and, at times, the senseless stupidity inherent in the ways in which they behave.
1\14\17 post:
Another day poverty stricken, and in spiritual warfare with the archon an matrix control system. Due their bidding, and they’ll reward me, or at least set me free. But we all know how Faustian bargains work. And for those of us awakened, even when battling in isolation, what needs to be kept in mind is that every choice we make affects the collective consciousness, for good or ill. To quote Trent Reznor, “I do not want this.” But I have no fucking choice. I’ve always been against suicide. In fact, just weeks prior to my first contact, Camus in mind, I wrote an essay against it. I see now that the archon, in prepping me for my abduction, were the impetus behind this, as they were the source behind all of the books I read, the influence over all of the writing I did, in the months leading up to my first contact with these entities. But if I had a gun, super soldier/psy spy that I am, on days like this, I feel I would pull the trigger. That said, and people like Max Spiers have stated as much, this is part of the programming that is instilled in individuals like me at a young age. On the other hand, and perhaps it was Eve Lorgen that pointed it out in one of her essays, I am one of the unfortunate individuals, in a certain sense, depending on how you view it, that defy their programming, and go against the grain of what is expected. Yet, this only makes my burden worse, for it is individuals like me that become the test cases for these mother fuckers in their experiments and studies of human beings. My standing out in this way, my enduring their tests and tortures serves only one purpose for them: how do we find a way to break someone like him so that it will become easier for us to break others like him who resist in the future? Lucky me. Though I have no choice, I don’t know how much more I can take, how much more I can fight, in isolation, with my experience and knowledge not making out into the world, where it will be of use to those yet to tread the same paths I’ve walked, and the astral planes I’ve visited, and the abduction experiences I’ve undergone, and the love-bite pain and abuse I’ve endured.
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